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Post by dreamcatcherwolf on Dec 3, 2008 15:14:05 GMT 1
Now that it's December, is it time for Christmas cracker jokes? I'll start... Patient: 'Doctor, doctor, can you help me? I keep thinking that I'm a dog.' Doctor: 'Mmm, lie down on the couch would you?' Patient: 'Oh, I'm not allowed on the furniture.'
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Post by dreamcatcherwolf on Dec 5, 2008 21:34:52 GMT 1
Time for another one, I think Patient: 'Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm Mickey Mouse.' Doctor: 'How long have you been having these Disney spells?'
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Post by dreamcatcherwolf on Dec 8, 2008 23:28:36 GMT 1
Why am I the only idiot posting these If you won't then I will: What's black and white and eats like a horse?
A zebra ;D
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Post by thebloke on Dec 9, 2008 8:18:51 GMT 1
mick and murphy were walking along together when murphy suddenly disappeared, mick retraced his steps and found murphy had fallen down a manhole which was very deep, he shouted down to murphy" have you broken anything?" murphy called up" no theres nothing down here."
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Post by dreamcatcherwolf on Dec 15, 2008 22:51:32 GMT 1
Nice one Les Time for another, methinks: What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef...
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Post by dreamcatcherwolf on Dec 19, 2008 21:18:50 GMT 1
Well if you still won't, I will... again Q.) Why can you tell the starship Enterprise is a happy ship? A.) Because it is always beaming. ;D
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Post by sandiflora on Dec 21, 2008 13:32:34 GMT 1
What do hedgehogs eat for lunch?
Prickled onions!
;D
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Post by dreamcatcherwolf on Dec 22, 2008 22:07:41 GMT 1
Nice one, thanks I can't see me getting online again after tonight before next weekend, so rather than a cracker, here is an explanation of the true meaning of Christmas... Santa had had a bad year. First the elves went on strike, and he got all behind with the toy production. They wanted more than just one day off at Christmas. Santa explained to them that he HAD to work Christmas Day as well, so they should be grateful for what they got. After much negotiation, the dispute was finally settled but EVERY one had to work much harder and longer just to catch up. The reindeer had been ill, even poor Rudolph's nose was redder than usual, while several were just shadows of their usual selves. (Did you know that all male reindeer lose their antlers in the autumn? Only the females keep their antlers until the spring, so despite their names, ALL SANTA'S REINDEER ARE FEMALES ) Santa's vet had to spend a lot of time (and money) before he could say that the reindeer would be fit and ready for their long journey on Christmas Eve. The children in the toy shops and grottos seemed to be so stroppy this year. Santa got SO fed up with their whingeing, requests for electronic toys whose costs would put several men on the moon, even at NASA's exhorbitant rates, and for model aircraft whose capabilities seemed to exceed the UAVs used in Afghanistan. Eventually it came to Christmas Eve. Santa was desperate to get all the toys checked and loaded, but it seemed every five minutes that there was a knock at the door: Carol singers, late requests to change toy orders, a queue of elves to make sure that their pay (and bonuses) was ready so that they could buy all their families' presents and turkeys, more Carol singers... At last, as the sun slipped towards the horizon, the sleigh was loaded, all the reindeer were harnessed and ready to go. Santa thought he would take just a few minutes for a final cup of tea, ready to fly round the world, delivering all the presents. If you want to know how he gets on, then the North American Aerospace Defence Command (NORAD) tracks him LIVE as he goes around the world: www.noradsanta.org/en/home.htmlSanta had taken his cup of tea, and had just sat in his favourite chair and put his feet up when there was ANOTHER knock at the door. He groaned, put down his tea, and stamped across to the door. Pulling it open he roared 'YES?'A little voice said 'Please Santa, I have brought you your Christmas tree' Santa looked down, and there was the sweetest, prettiest little fairy, struggling to hold an enormous, and beautifully decorated, finest fir tree. He stood for a moment, then finally said...
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Post by dreamcatcherwolf on Dec 22, 2008 22:12:51 GMT 1
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Post by C2LLN on Dec 27, 2008 9:53:43 GMT 1
Festivities winding down? Try this Quiz, answers later on!!WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ (Passing only requires 4 correct answers) 1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last?
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From which animal do we get cat gut?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
7) What was King George VI's first name?
8) What colour is a purple finch?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
10) What is the colour of the black box in a commercial airplane?
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Post by C2LLN on Dec 27, 2008 11:39:42 GMT 1
ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ
1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years
2) Which country makes Panama hats? Ecuador
3) From which animal do we get cat gut? Sheep and Horses
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? November
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? Squirrel fur
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? Dogs
7) What was King George VI's first name? Albert
8) What colour is a purple finch? Crimson
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? New Zealand
10) What is the colour of the black box in a commercial airplane? Orange
What do you mean, you failed? Me, too. (And if you try to tell me you passed you lie!)
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Post by dreamcatcherwolf on Dec 27, 2008 21:36:16 GMT 1
Well, I got 9 and 10 right...
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Post by thebloke on Dec 31, 2008 9:23:15 GMT 1
one more to see out 2008. She married and had 13 children , he died, she married again and had 7 more children,he died ,she married again and had 5 more children,she finally died having had 25 children, at the funeral the priest ,speaking over her said , Lord we thank you for this loving, at last they are together, a mourner asked her friend if the preist meant together with her first ,second or third husband, her friend replied ,i think he means her legs. happy new year to all see you all at the Dyke tomorrow.
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Post by dreamcatcherwolf on Dec 31, 2008 12:36:00 GMT 1
;D Nice one Les, we won't be at the Dyke, but have a good fly, and we'll meet up again in 2009. Roy
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