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Jan 21, 2009 21:17:47 GMT 1
Post by dreamcatcherwolf on Jan 21, 2009 21:17:47 GMT 1
4. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded... 5. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...
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Jan 21, 2009 21:19:27 GMT 1
Post by dreamcatcherwolf on Jan 21, 2009 21:19:27 GMT 1
23. I AM UNABLE TO REMEMBER IF I HAVE MAILED THIS OR NOT!
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Jan 21, 2009 23:10:50 GMT 1
Post by thebloke on Jan 21, 2009 23:10:50 GMT 1
so Roy when are you going to pay me the fifty quid i lent you?
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Jan 23, 2009 22:07:36 GMT 1
Post by dreamcatcherwolf on Jan 23, 2009 22:07:36 GMT 1
Sorry Les, Roy doesn't remember that either _________________________________ Paddy rang his mate, Bill: 'Is that Bill?' 'Yes, this is Bill' 'It doesn't sound like Bill' 'Well it is Bill' 'Are you SURE that's Bill? it really doesn't sound like you' 'I'm telling you, this really is Bill' 'Well Bill, can you pay me the 50 quid you me?' 'I'll get Bill to call you when he gets in' ________________________________ What did Roy borrow it for? I'll get him to mail you next time he's here ;D That's if I remember ...
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Jan 24, 2009 18:58:24 GMT 1
Post by dreamcatcherwolf on Jan 24, 2009 18:58:24 GMT 1
Oh Lord, let the words I speak today be sweet, for tomorrow I may have to eat them. - sign in a Honduran cafe
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Feb 12, 2009 19:03:16 GMT 1
Post by C2LLN on Feb 12, 2009 19:03:16 GMT 1
To be politically correct hair colour and sex has been left out of this episode....
A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage when someone came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten knob. We all looked at each other and another customer asked, 'What is a seven-hundred-ten knob?' Blondie replied, 'You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one.' She also said that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there. The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had its bonnet up and asked 'is there a 710 on this car?' She pointed and said, 'Of course, it's right there.'
If you're not quite sure what a 710 knob is then: Click Here
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jelv
Committee
Posts: 450
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Jokes
Feb 12, 2009 23:25:00 GMT 1
Post by jelv on Feb 12, 2009 23:25:00 GMT 1
To be politically correct hair colour and sex has been left out of this episode.... Oh yeah? A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage when someone came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten knob. We all looked at each other and another customer asked, 'What is a seven-hundred-ten knob?' Blondie replied, 'You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one.' She also said that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there. The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had its bonnet up and asked 'is there a 710 on this car?' She pointed and said, 'Of course, it's right there.'
If you're not quite sure what a 710 knob is then: Click Here
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Feb 22, 2009 11:02:03 GMT 1
Post by C2LLN on Feb 22, 2009 11:02:03 GMT 1
;DOK then, seeing as you missed the double 'joke' change the word 'Blondie' to John ;)and all the 'she's to he......and I will add a disclaimer "any resemblance to anyone living or deceased is coincidental etc. etc...." If you want you can sue me But be careful: BEST LAWYER/INSURANCE STORY OF THE YEAR
This took place in Charlotte North Carolina . A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost 'in a series of small fires.' The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued and WON!
(Stay with me.)
Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable 'fire' and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars that perished in the 'fires'.
NOW FOR THE BEST PART...
After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.
This true story won First Place in last year's Criminal Lawyers Award contest.[/b][/color]
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jelv
Committee
Posts: 450
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Jokes
Feb 22, 2009 13:01:43 GMT 1
Post by jelv on Feb 22, 2009 13:01:43 GMT 1
Great story - shame it's not true! It's one of those classics that you would really like to be true.
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Feb 22, 2009 13:28:30 GMT 1
Post by bow on Feb 22, 2009 13:28:30 GMT 1
spoil sport
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Feb 22, 2009 14:39:54 GMT 1
Post by Bonefish on Feb 22, 2009 14:39:54 GMT 1
yer jelv you spoil sport ? we will make you camp next to the generator at rougham !
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